I have been single for about a year, after a 10 year loveless and sexless relationship. My gal was a ___, I was faithful to her, moved several times for her career. She always resented that I didn’t make as much money as her (I’m an ____). I finally discovered she had been having multiple affairs, and we ended our relationship.
I decided to have some fun for myself this past year. Not really knowing where or how to start, I discovered Craigslist Casual Encounters. I have since tried Ashley Madison with no success (too snobby), and a swing site (that I have had success with). I have not tried Tinder or OK Cupid but I hear that it is very easy to meet women there, I may have to switch over! 🙂 Again, not really knowing much about it, I fell into the habit of using the CL casual encounter section almost exclusively. I actually don’t like it that much, it’s a mess and a pain, but I’ve learned how to make it work for me, which results in meeting women and couples for sex on a regular enough basis that I keep going back. I might meet someone once or twice a month, which is actually enough for me. I don’ t have time for someone new every other night. Some of my connections have led to other liasons, which has been nice.
So here is my take on the CL Casual Encounters and what I get out of it. It is at least 50% hookers, and at least that is pretty obvious. They are vulgar and in your face with pics and a phone # and you know what it is, so you can ignore or pursue if desired. Then it is about 25% credit-card robo-scam, where you are lured in with a provocative post and pic and led to a website to meet someone at which point you are asked to give your CC# and private info. I really hate that waste of time. Oddly, about 20% of the W4M ads are gay guys posing as women, trying to lure closeted straight guys for blowjobs. This is the weirdest part of the M4W, because the gay guys are really good at seducing and leading you on. I wish they could have their own section “gay dudes posing as women 4 Gay men posing as straights”. It would save a lot of hassle and confusion. Finally, maybe 5% of the ads are real women like you posting for some kind of hook-up. [not] I think there are easily 1,000 ads a day in the CL CE section, so maybe 50 tops are “real”, the rest are something else.
The challenge then, is to figure out which ads are “real” and which are fake (and 95% are fake). I’ve learned to spot the fakes and real ads pretty well, so I can respond to a few ads a day, maybe 10 or 20 a week, and get a real response. I understand from the women I meet, that they get bombarded with crude responses and weird replies. If I put a good faith effort into a reply, it often gets some sort of reply. After that it’s just kismet whether we’re a match or not. For every 25 replies a week that I send, I might get 5 responses a week. Of those 5 responses, maybe one or two a month pan out to meet and go further. Usually, by the time we meet, we’ve chatted by email, text and phone, and she’s comfortable meeting me in public. We’ve flirted and exchanged naughty pics, she’s told me some of the sexy things she wants a guy to do for her. She’s teasing me. This whole process might take a week or two, and that works for me. Occasionally It is a same day proposition, but just as often it might take a week or two or more. I’m an ___, and patient about things by nature, so I’m in no rush. So I’ve answered a hundred ads in a month, gotten 10-20 replies, and finally met one or two women, who have decided that I’m the right guy to have sex with.
I actually don’t like one night stands. It’s all too much work, and I don’ t really have the mercenary instinct to love ’em and leave ’em. I actually love women, not just for their bodies, and I enjoy getting to know them and being part of their routine. I like to arrange an ongoing, regular thing. maybe once a week or every other week. I like to know that there is someone I can see regularly, that I know what they like, they know what I like. I do spend the night, or they spend the night at my place. I’m upfront that I was in a long term relationship and just want a casual FWB NSA arrangement. It usually works fine, because those are what the ads that I have responded to have been posted for. So they know that I’m there for the regular fuck-buddy arrangement, and it works for them to have a guy once a week that is reliable and can give them what they want. It doesn’t hurt that I’m, laid back, fit, attractive, educated and ridiculously horny. I’m also well endowed, have great staying power and have learned how to give my partners so many orgasms that they lose count and eventually collapse with pleasure. 🙂
So, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to sleep with a lot of women. But I know better than to think that it is possible, or even that great when it is possible. It is too much work mentally and physically, and I think you have to burn too many bridges and be too much of cold-hearted asshole. I prefer to get an ongoing thing, and keep it going until it runs it’s natural course. I tell my GFs that I see other people, and I encourage them to if they want to. I’m currently seeing two girls, each once a week. I also have a few couples that I have connected with that I seen maybe once a month. I’m also “on call” with some buddies for occasional parties and MFM connections with gals they meet who like that kind of thing. So I get laid, two or three times a week, that’s plenty. I like the variety and the regularity. I get to see some girls regularly as well as get a little variety. So far everyone is happy.
I do think it is addictive, but that’s stating the obvious. Sex feels amazing, right? What is better? Your body is releasing all sorts of chemicals in your brain that mimic a heroin high. It feels so good that you just want to do it again and again and again. And when you find out you can, you become like a junkie trying to get a fix! 🙂 Aside from the chemical addiction aspect, there is also the ego boost aspect of scoring with strangers. It does become a sort of quest and challenge.
Of course, I’m leaving the female dynamic out of all of this.. The girls I’ve met want something similar. A guy to screw when they are feeling horny. I haven’t run into the clingy GF scenario yet, but I think it is because I’m upfront about wanting to keep it casual and occasional, and I encourage them to see other guys too.